Scott Stanley may have saved my marriage…my second one. He’s a friend and a research professor at The University of Denver who specializes in studying relationships.
I thought I was an expert at retelling conversations of the past to win heated arguments. Not only did I believe I had instant recall of what I had said two weeks or 10 years ago, but I also believed I had instant recall of precisely what my loved one had said, as well. With this great power, I thought I could slant any argument in my favor.
It never worked. Even when I thought I won the skirmish, I had a hunch I was losing the relationship.
Dr. Stanley said, “Don, never think you know what was said in the past. Even if you might be right [with me, he added, that was a long shot], revisiting past conversations does not help to resolve conflicts. It only adds to the fire.”
The advice came years ago, and I’m still married.