Scott Stanley may have saved my marriage…my second one. He’s a friend and a research professor at The University of Denver who specializes in studying relationships.

I thought I was an expert at retelling conversations of the past to win heated arguments. Not only did I believe I had instant recall of what I had said two weeks or 10 years ago, but I also believed I had instant recall of precisely what my loved one had said, as well. With this great power, I thought I could slant any argument in my favor.

It never worked. Even when I thought I won the skirmish, I had a hunch I was losing the relationship.

Dr. Stanley said, “Don, never think you know what was said in the past. Even if you might be right [with me, he added, that was a long shot], revisiting past conversations does not help to resolve conflicts. It only adds to the fire.”

The advice came years ago, and I’m still married.

Author: Don Kuhl

Don Kuhl is founder of The Change Companies® and Train for Change Inc.® He has authored hundreds of Journals that have assisted over 10 million people in making positive life changes. While Don was aging (think of a side of beef at a fine restaurant), he managed motel properties, started several sports publications, worked in college and health care administrations and started about a dozen corporations. Some of them failed miserably, a few flourished.